Establishing, ‘The Avengers Waste Management Company,’
Waste-Men : Days of Future Retirement
Who am I?
I am that red and yellow tin can-wearing dude you saw on TV. Who flew around and shot bullets through his hands.
Pew Pew Pew Pew Pew.
We left our previous job and started this company.
Last time we were fighting this puny little purple guy. And we kicked his ass.
We literally kicked his ass.
And that’s where we made a mistake.
That dude turned out to be the producer’s love child.
And lo-and-behold, suddenly the script was changed.
He used deus ex machina and disintegrated half my crew.
My team was killed.
Even that pet spider of mine was obliterated to nothingness.
I was devastated.
So I used my personal contacts and called my best friend.
You know, that rich guy who lives in a cave filled with bats. The one tormented by a funny clown.
That time he was trying to hook up with an old grandma. I saw her pictures. Though old, she is super hot.
To be honest, she was in his ‘league’.
That aside, when I informed him of my plight, he out-invested the producer and changed the script.
(Ha Ha Ha. Take that suckers. Power of networking.)
Finally, I got rid of that annoying guy with a snap.
And ex-producer could do nothing but bite his lips. Come on, who can mess with a guy who buys banks?
Do you know a funny thing about that purple alien?
When I snapped my fingers, that purple giant cried like a child. And bellowed ‘MOMMY’.
It was hilarious, even the red robot with a jewel in his forehead was stunned.
I mean, imagine an old ugly purple dude shouting ‘MOMMY’.
Even just a rather very intelligent system will find it funny.
I still giggle when I think about it.
However, after that, it was all over.
That producer badmouthed us in the industry.
Nobody was giving us any job.
We were sick of begging for employment.
Jobless and penniless, I suggested hustling some powder.
I spent my youth doing that.
It is super fun.
However, ‘Smash Bro’ railed through all my stock.
And to my amazement, he was still sober.
I get stoned with one line. And here this monster was snorting kilos.
Because of Smash bro’s innocent antics, we were out of goods. So we dropped that plan.
Then ‘Shield Bro’ suggested that we should start a company.
It was a nice idea.
Be your own boss.
I loved it.
So we all plopped on chairs and brainstormed.
Except for that drunkard, homeless, narcissistic pain in the ass ‘Axe Bro’.
The one whose sister blew up their home. Seriously! Their family has issues.
For now, he lives with us.
He did nothing but drink beer and play Fortnite.
While he cursed at his Fortnite arch-nemesis, we three pondered for ideas.
We sat for a long time.
A very long time.
A few hours later, Smash Bro could not take it.
He got up.
Shouted “SMASH BRO SMASH!” and destroyed the table.
The floor was littered with wooden chips and beer bottles.
That’s when I realized.
Let’s start a waste management company, I said. Jumping from my seat.
We decided, after careful consideration, that this was the best idea.
We had all the technical capabilities.
Smash bro can compress all the garbage.
Shield bro can excavate the ground.
And I can burn the trash.
As for the Axe bro, he is our backup power generator.
With our combined efforts we established ‘The Avengers Waste Management Company’.
Our very first client was my best friend.
His league was a disaster.
An utter failure.
It was ghastly.
He didn’t even get that bombshell.
Some resurrected alien stole her from him.
He called me and handed us our first-ever contract.
To thoroughly clean his failed project.
And we did just that.
We swooped in and cleaned up everything.
We left nothing behind.
Not even a tiny piece of it.
After that, contracts flooded our office.
All the guys like him, the ones with failed projects, ringed us for our services.
They wanted us to clean up their mess.
Today, we are submerged in requests.
We are booked for a decade.
However, for our lovely readers at Medium, we are making an exception.
If you need waste management services or have questions, write us in the comments.
We’ll take care of everything.
Follow ‘Turbulent Creek’, because you will get a 10% discount and future updates.
Padawans, we are hiring.
Those deemed waste. And fired. Who are unable to find an employment.
Type, ‘I want to join the waste side’ in comments to apply for our company.
Especially that guy with an animated green suit.
Although you were given a new red suit and a brand new identity with special makeover, deep down we know that it is hard for you.
If you feel lost, give us a buzz.
We will take you in.
Join the waste side.
Vacancies are limited.